Are Israelis Rude?

Israelis get an undeserved wrap for being rude. Lots of tourists are appalled at the type of confrontations Israelis can get into over seemingly trivial matters. To label Israelis in general as bad-mannered is simplistic and shows no depth of understanding. I first grasped this one weekend when I rented a room at a hostel in Yafo with a friend when we went to see Saul Williams do live recitations at a club tucked away into the ghetto of Tel Aviv. We were sitting in the hostel and drinking beers before we got on our way, and we got to having a deep conversation about various topics that don't usually come up for most people in everyday chitchat. The direction of the conversation was steered by an unlikely contributor.

We were out on the balcony and an old conservative looking lady was sitting there and she gave my friend Ty this judgmental look that sort of implied, "You shouldn't even be here." It's probably because of Ty's unconventional appearance-- his dreadlocks and Bob Marley hoodie were enough for this woman to pass judgement. She didn't need to say anything, the look was enough. We started talking about how people waste too much time judging others, and the implications and consequences of that on the people that do it and on society in general.

As if the walls themselves wanted to contribute to the conversation, we found a framed article on the topic of Israelis and manners hanging in the corner. I don't remember what it was called or who wrote it, and I kind of like it that way. It's almost like it's become a symbol in my thoughts, and I always bring it up when the topic of the general Israeli disposition comes up in conversation. It was one of the most well reasoned arguments I have ever seen in the confines of only two-thousand or so word. Given that I've only read it once the burden is always on me to remember and recreate the author's iron grip on logic in an attempt to persuade the person or group that I'm speaking with.

One of the most memorable segments of the article was when it discussed what the purpose of manners is to begin with. Why do we have them, why do we as a society value them? In short, to keep us from getting into conflicts with strangers. Think about it, when someone bumps into you in the street, your natural reaction is to interpret that as aggression. It's instinct. When the person says, "I'm sorry, excuse me," it calms your nerves. When someone asks you for something and then says, "please" at the end of his request, it appeases you, because otherwise you'd feel like the person's attempting to boss you around. However, you'll notice that you hold your friends and loved ones to a lower standard of manners than you do most people. It probably doesn't bother you if your best friend asks you to get him something without saying please every time. If your at a family members house, you probably don't ask before you take something from the refrigerator. If your brother is driving you somewhere in his car, you don't ask permission to roll down your window. Get the picture?

As you can see, there is an inverse proportion between how polite you are with someone, and how close you are with someone. So why don't Israelis show as much manners upfront as in most Western countries? Because Israelis are inherently more bonded with each other. The emotional gap between strangers is on average smaller. If I had to pick one reason, I'd say it's because of all the wars and Intifadas they've gone through together. If I had to pick a second reason, I'd say it's because they have all been in the army and have that shared experience. As a result, Israelis are close breed, and as a result they feel comfortable eating from each other's plates without asking, and they usually have no problem telling a person how they feel about a sensitive issues directly and with no sugar coating, even if the person is a stranger they've never met.

And as such the author of the article hanging on the wall made his point. It remains one of the most well executed illustrations of Israeli culture that I've ever read. It is also an aspect of this country that appeals to me immensely because I love knowing where I stand with people. I am loathe to manners if they are forced and clearly not genuine. So remember the next time that you see two Israelis screaming at each other in the street over some menial thing that is based on principle more than practicality, that it's a pretty everyday thing here and that despite all appearance it's likely that no one is taking anything personally. It's hard to think along these lines as an American because if a similar shouting match was taking place back in the States it'd be much more likely to end in fisticuffs. Here, the thought of it coming to blows wouldn't even cross my mind. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if at the end, the two people were smiling and cracking jokes with each other once an agreement was reached. Why? Because Israelis like each other on average more than the denizens of most Western countries. Such is why Israelis seem rude on the surface but are really exceptionally genuine and sensitive people.