I had a really good run on the beach tonight. The view there is spectacular, on one side you have the lights of Haifa and on the other the all-encompassing Mediterranean. I went with another ulpanist and if it wasn't for him or another experienced runner I'd probably never do any physical exercise. I ran thirty minutes two days ago and thirty minutes tonight also. I played football and baseball in high school but somehow I've never ran that long in my whole life. Now that I have, it's a really big confidence boost and made army life seem a little bit less daunting.

Me and the kid I ran with had a really good talk, the kind of conversation could only take place in that ethereal environment. In short, we exchanged life stories and for the first time in my life I divulged my entire history with barely any feelings of embarrassment.

He told me about going to high school and the strong displacement that he felt. Like he didn't belong. He could see through everyone's bullshit and didn't want any part of it. I don't think that eighteen-year-olds can "see through people's bullshit" because we're not mature enough yet but I do think it's possible to realize it's there. I related to that. He has two older brothers that according to him are losers, and he didn't want to go down that same path. Other than that, it sounded like his parents kind of phoned it in when it came to raising him. He said that, and being overweight when he was younger, made him a very motivated person. I could relate, at least tangentially, to pretty much everything he said.

Also, it was interesting that we are both love Israel but are coming for almost poetically opposite reasons: whereas he's extremely motivated, I want to find something to be motivated about. My general mood for the past eighteen years of my life has been mundane apathy. I told him I had about two months between the end of the ulpan and the beginning of the army, more or less, and that I'd probably try to get a spot living on the kibbutz. He said he was going to be traveling around Israel during that time and that I should come with him. Doesn't sound half bad. Looks like my life is really shaping up into something interesting, at least in the short term. I'm learning Hebrew, making friends, not being so embarrassed to exist, and starting to exercise and write on a regular basis. If I keep this up I think that my life will start to turn into something that I can truly be proud of.