Sorry for the lack of updates. The only goal that I hope to achieve with my posts now is relieving stress and giving some necessary background on myself so later when I actually do get to Israel people will be able to frame my experience in a more personal context. As for when my next post will be, I should have an update on Monday regarding what the Ministry of Absorption has decided to do with my Aliyah application. In the meantime, here is the essay I used with my college applications. It's actually the second college essay I wrote; the first was some "what they wanted to hear" type thing about how I Huckleberry Finn has influenced my life. I read it over one day and was almost embarrassed by how much of it was bullshit, and decided to write a more genuine essay instead. It has to do with my visit to Israel in August of 2008; at the time it was my first trip to Israel in sixteen years:

My Trip to Israel

I’ve always been perplexed by the fact that often times knowing something on a conscious level is not the same as knowing something on an emotional level. Experience may be the only way to turn those conscious thoughts into something that you truly feel. This summer I spent two short weeks in Israel, but the person who got on the flight to Israel on August 14th was not the same person who got off the airplane August 28th. Some background information on myself: my parents divorced when I was too young to remember. Growing up I had several father figures in addition to my elusive biological father. At one point or another I felt abandoned by all of them.

    Natural to someone of my history, I grew up feeling out of place and rejected. I rejected everyone before they had a chance to reject me. As I grew up, I crawled out of my shell a little bit, but not on any significant level, I was a prisoner digging with a spoon. At one point last summer I identified my problem and actively worked to restore myself. I became ecstatic one night because I felt like I was making real progress. With the intentions of continuing my personal progress, I decided to make a decision that I knew could only make riding this wave of happiness from the previous night. The next morning I called my father and told him I wanted to take him up on his offer for a trip to Israel. In the interest of self protection I insisted on only two weeks, incase I found the trip unbearable, a decision I ended up regretting.

August 14th was a long way off from late June, when I made the decision to go to Israel. In retrospect the exact thing happened that I thought would happen: as the summer continued I became more and more my old self, withdrawn and self-conscious, incapable of making a decision this emotionally frightening. When the trip finally came it was better than I could have imagined. Not only did I spend more than a few hours with my father for the first time in my life, I was introduced to a great family, and I was actually a part of it. For the first time ever I had family members that were my age. I never felt like I was being judged; I was a member of the family and that was that.

    How was I changed when I got back? For the first time I truly felt like there was not something inherently wrong with me that I constantly needed to correct. I no longer stop myself from saying something because I feel like it’s an opinion not held by others, I no longer have to ask myself before buying an album what would my friends/parents/peers think if they found out that I bought this, I no longer had to ask myself what these people would think if they found out what book I was reading, or that I was reading at all. The point is my old self knew that living and experiencing life was the single best way to make myself grow as a person, I only lacked the courage. For the first time ever I identified something about myself that I wanted to fix, made a decision, and ended up exceeding my own expectations. What I learned is that life is the ultimate teacher; having someone tell you that you need to live life for yourself or that you need to not worry what others think of you is never the same as going out and experiencing those truths on your own.